Cheer up cherub.

It's quite sad how little I write on this anymore. But it is also extraordinary how amazing it feels to be able to come back to this little website and write away all the thoughts in my head. That is something I find truly wonderful about my blog.

I want to write about happiness.

It seems so much nowadays, that our generation, our sisters and brothers, our best friends and schoolmates are lost. All I hear is about how 'lost' people feel and how all they want in life is happiness. I think this, the pure longing for a sense of happiness from well over half of my generation, is what makes me feel upset sometimes. It makes me feel like all the hope in looking back on my teenage years in joy is gone.

So, in my own little way, for the very few people who will read this I want to give you some reasons that you should be happy:

- you're breathing

- you were born

- you can smile and laugh

- the world is yet to end

- we can change the prospect of the ending world

- there are people in the world, just like you, going through shitty times

- we have no responsibility

- there is music

- zooey deschanel exists

- harry potter exists

- you have the ability to imagine

- we can paint and draw and write and read and sing

- someone loves you, very very much

- there's a whole world we are able to explore

- there is still a natural world

- we can swim and run and dance

- sometimes it is actually good to be alone - solitude is bliss

there are a few things that make me extremely happy.

I can bet my bottom dollar that one of these things relates to you.

So smile, we're alive, let's put it to good use yeah?

Maybe, soon, when we're done with all of this reality, it will be cool to not be cool.

The world will work in reverse and our daydreams will become our nightmares.

Perhaps, then what we don't understand now will be understood.

One can only wait, because in reality, if we wait, it will come.

And maybe, our dreams, of being that girl and being skinny and wanting to have a boyfriend and friends who care about you existing, maybe they will not be dreams anymore, but our reality.

Then what, what do we dream for then?

I just don't want to be alone, that is all I ask.

Regroup

I'm trying to regroup my life, so I can fully understand where I am going with it. I am actually petrified of growing up, completely and utterly terrified. I don't want to not be the age I am now. I'm scared of moving away and losing contact with all of the people that I love and care for the most in this world. I don't want to lose the times I have shared with them and the moments that I will cherish forever. I hate school, but I love how it is my routine and it's those people that I will miss so much that I find at my school. It's super hard trying to figure out what I am going to do with my life and what my future holds. It's so exciting too, but mostly it's scary. And I wish more than anything for someone to take this journey with me and share my fear.

WORD G-MEN

Due mostly to the fact that I got tumblr and I haven't really thought of much to write about in a while, it has been a long time between posts. However, often, there are little occurrences in my day, that make me want to come back to this little haven of mine and just have a rant to completely no one. Not a soul, which is perfectly okay for me. Today I had one of these little occurrences.

I find the power of words, of language, the most extraordinary thing in all of the world. Its hard to describe, or explain. But, I think that we do not glorify literature enough, at all. Think about it. We, as people of Australia, understand words of the English language, and again, we as adults, are learned in words, and therefore understand most words within our language, far more than that of an infant. Then, as apart of our location within this country, we understand localised jargon and colloquialisms, that many others may not understand. It's that individually acquired knowledge and understanding of words, that truly encapsulates me, I find it brilliant.

It's also interesting how mere words can change a mood. I love the ability of sometimes single words to change how I feel.

Today, a mere sentence made my day.

That has got to say something.

Those

It's been far too long since I've had a bit of an in depth thought, or moment of truth, or something of the sort.

Until today.

It has become apparent to me over the last few days just how important friendship is and yes, of course, there are the poems and the quotes and the messages that try to tell us how important our friends are and how we need them in our lives and the support and help and love and kindness they bring to our lives. Ra Ra Raaaa, for want of a better word.

Me, the freak I am, see things differently. I'm personally frightened of people as a whole, their minds and the way people think freaks me out a lil. However, at this point in my life, specifically in the last few days, I have come to have a different understanding. Currently, I am trying to determine what I am going to do with my life when this whole routined school life that I cling so hard to, is over. When I think of all the possibilities in the world that I am presented with, the selfish thought comes to my mind: 'this is my life, I can do what I want with it', I have made the partial decision to take my life to the city of Geelong, some 1000 kilometres from this place I call home. At this moment, when I decided this, I thought of that, the distance, that would keep me away from some of the people and FRIENDS, that I love with all of my heart. It is this, the sadness that develops from the prospect of leaving them, that truly conveys the ultimate need for friendship in our lives.

We love them, and without them, we would not be who we are. We are shaped by them, we cannot function without them.

Capture

I was able to borrow my brothers partners camera over the weekend, I completely took advantage of it. Here's some shots:

My lord I want a camera.

AMELIA MCGUINNESS

Come and see me, so I can have fun at my brother's wedding.

You only live once and the HSC isn't everything. However, we will do homework.

In case you couldn't tell, I'd love you to be here. :)

Writing

And again, she writes. Yes. Yes. Yes.

Moonlight

Shards of light,

dancing,

beneath the colour,

inside your eyes.

Thrown,

into the misty,

deep,

dark,

but unrealistically beautiful,

surrounds,

of moonlight.

Scattered visions,

of night,

after night,

after night,

but never the same.

As like mice,

the visions,

plaster themselves,

on the walls of your mind.

Remember now,

that night,

so long ago,

the moon,

within your heart.

Dancing in the sky.

Dancing light,

within your eyes.

Yes

We Are Family

I once stated, that to begin our lives we are formed and shaped by the people around us, and in the most early parts of our lives, it is our family that holds that role. We as people, often overlook the value and importance of these people. This is mostly because they are an everyday thing, waking up, they are the first people to see and going to sleep, we say our goodnights to them last. I've come to realise in the last few weeks, that the importance of our family is unable to be measured. In recent times, I have spent a large amount of hours doing family orientated things, mostly due to my brothers wedding coming up. I felt it necessary at this point in my life, when I am so close to loosening myself from their warm grip and hitting up the big wide world, to proclaim my complete and utter undying love for my family. This is them; Mother, Father, Ben, Shara, Hamish, Ashur, Sam, Carina, James, Matt, Elise, Levi, Andrew. These people I know will be there forever, I love them with all of my heart and I thought it was about time I told someone.

"To us, family means putting your arm around each other and just being there."

And again..

On Wednesday at school, we had 'Have A Say Day', an annual shebang we do at school so people have a chance to talk about whatever they want. This year the theme was love, it got me thinking all the more about it.

I want it, I want someone to show me what it is, how it works. I'm not often like this, but I really want someone I can crawl up to whenever I want, corny as hell, but we all have our phases. The only love in my life, is in pictures and my mind. Someone come, someone let me know what it is, how it feels. I really want to know.

Here are some things I want/love:

this is the cuteness i desire

give me her weight and body, thanks

i could live here and fall asleep under the stars

yes please

damn the world

my true love

yes i was here, in that, best weekend of my life

want to be

shoes, leads, music - lovely

a whole other world - let me help

paper cranes

Show me love.

Origami

Origami is a talent, one I love very much, but do not possess. These are some kewl things Madison/Joel made for me today, the black crane I made for myself, wew Ciarn!

Summer Lovin'

In this beautiful country of mine, known as Australia, it is currently summer. For us, that means thongs, swimmers and a towel is necessary attire. Scorching hot days leave us wishing it was winter or that we could swim in the ocean for endless hours. The last few days have been the epitome of summer days. On Friday, I was lulled by a wide expansion of musical beauty. I spent the last 2 or 3 hours of my school day, playing some really lovely music. Eventually, everyone had joined in on the fun and we sung and played for the rest of the school day. The happiness and friendliness that erupted during this small moment was something truly spectacular. That night, I found myself at a small gathering, we swum, Todd sang, we laughed, it was a wonderful evening.

A day of sun was my Saturday, spent the morning at the beach, then by Adrienne's pool, we swum, sunbaked and then just read/relaxed until we again decided to go to the beach. The end result was sunburn. This eventually led us to a musical showcase at the Flynn's Beach Surfclub, which was really great.

All in all, the past two days have been filled with good music, good people and good memories. Summer creates a never fading happiness, still as we lay in bed at night, as our sunburn punishes our skin, our mind is rolling over all the good things that have happened. It's a truly beautiful thing I think. I was looking so forward to winter, but now I say, keep the summer.

Good times to roll on.

Echoes

Lately, I am distant, mostly because of school and the trials of being a year 12 student. But, it feels as though, in my own world, most things are in tact. I find myself however, distant from the usual things, from the gossip and the news, from what's going on. The only thing, the only true part of me that I am grasping in these recent moments, is my guitar. The strings are carving calluses into my fingers just as they are carving happiness into my heart. I don't know why, or how, but at the moment, my guitar, the stars and finishing school are all I care about. And I am not complaining, nor do I want to change my ways. Happiness is the feeling of the heart, the ultimate height of a person's feelings. It develops us and helps us to be better people, we are changed by the happiness we feel. In each chord I play, not only is there sound escaping from the strings, but a love that I feel whole-heartedly. I'm so glad to have this friend, this ally. Like nothing else, a guitar can not walk away. It cannot hurt your feelings or make you sad. It's there, always. And it's there to stay.

Thank God.

Forced

Once painted on the walls,

of our minds,

which are now plastered,

with rumours and prejudice.

Once they were,

memories of yesterday.

The lack of fear,

height of imagination,

power of friendship,

taste of freedom.

We are,

as people,

then forced to grow,

to grow up,

and grow old.

Something we may not want to do.

Living now,

in this time.

I'd like to stay,

here,

now,

forever.

That Four Letter Word

She said: 'I love you like the stars above, i'll love you till I die'

It's said to be the most wonderful feeling in all the world, spread in so many different ways, the ultimate feeling of happiness. But is love, pure and unconditional love, the junk they talk about in all the movies, is it real? Does it actually exist? We're so tied up these days in looking the BEST, we have to BETTER than everyone else. So how, I ask, how is it humanly possible for love to exist? To be the driving force within our relations? I just think, that there are people in our lives, ones who cannot seem to remove themselves from the walls of your mind, who say all the right words and make all the right gestures. These people, become more than mere people in our lives, they become friends, from that, who knows? Are we supposed to measure how much affection they show us, or how much of a chance we have? I think it's too hard to tell. I think the love in our world, is placed in the laugh of a friend, a hug of a family member, the moments we live within that everyday change us, and for that, for changing us, we are made better people.

I want to believe in love. I want someone to show me it is real. Right now though, from all the experience I have had, it's looking more like a fairytale.

Home

I always wonder what I am going to be like when I grow up and when I'm away from here. From my home. I think I am moving too fast, I'm so focused on next year and finishing school and moving away and starting a whole new life. I'm not going to lie, its something I yearn for all the time. However, there are recurring moments that take place, that open my eyes. That show me that this moment we live in, this time we have now, it's more precious than the future and looking forward to what there is to come. For now, for this year, I have so many moments to look forward to, to live in. And they will make me happy for now, until next year comes and all the moments within that year will be so perfect and adventurous. That's a whole world away.

Home, it's where my heart is right now.

Photobooth

So I have purchased my Macbook and it seems that the novelty when it comes into contact with others is to begin the webcam fun.

Here are the results:

My Dad and The Universe

Tonight, my Dad took me star gazing and I learnt the most unbelievable amount. It's funny though, the whole time, I thought about when one day I meet someone who wants to come with me, or someone I know decides they want to come, I want to take them to look at the stars and I can tell them all the things I now know about them.

My love for this universe is becoming overwhelming, I love it so much.

Thanks Daddy.

You There

I feel myself becoming trapped in time, in the fragments of my own imagination. I feel though, as if I am in many places at once. My world is spread out, across countries and seas. My love is not felt by only those whom I see. But, it is in the hearts of all those I seek to know. Those who I cannot fully understand life without. I'm living in a circle of my own life, I can feel myself and when I do it is easy to understand why, why I am happy and why life is so rewarding at the moment. I have this life, this time and all the happiness in the world to look forward to. I'm going to start living my life. I'm going to travel, to see hidden places and climb unforgiving mountains. I am going to be happy, not that I am not happy now. Because I am. But, this is all I think about. This future I have for myself.

This love I have, for all those who I care for, here and far far away, it will not die.
Love never fades does it, its the truth. We just don't know it yet.

Three Days Grace

On Monday, it was my 17th birthday and for the day, we (Anna Leary, Kate Leary and myself) chose to make our way to Sydney via train in order to be there in time for Big Day Out. We caught the train from the well-known Kendall station and hopped aboard to friends such as Taylor, Nikola, Anna Mac, Anthea, Claud, Steph, Lachlan and Jimmy, which was lovely. We spent the trip sitting opposite Nikola and Taylor and played such fun travelling games as charades and prejudice. The train trip was really fun and filled with many laughs, actually a good way to spend your birthday. We arrived at Sydney station, to about 50 degree heat, and I was greeted by Mim and Nathan, it was so lovely to see Mim, haven't seen her in quite some time. We were only able to have a quick chat, but it was still very lovely. We then were collected by Jess Leary, and she gave us the news that we had to go and see her friend Laura at a nearby hotel, mainly due to the fact that my suitcase was unable to be rolled and weighed roughly 50kgs, this was not a high point in my day, we got to the hotel and we were out the front of her room, I said "man this is awkward, cause I have no idea who this person is", as per usual everyone laughed, the door was opened and the three girls turned around and yelled "Happy Birthday!"- being the idiot I am, I was like thanks guys, thinking they were just saying it again, I stood there, not comprehending what was actually going on, until I saw ball

oons on the floor. The girls had shouted me a night in a hotel for my birthday, it was so amazingly exciting. We had the best night, we went swimming and played music and danced, went to dinner, the girls got drunk and I loved it, we went to an Asian games arcade and took some wonderful photos in a photobooth, then came back and recorded some funny videos and danced some more. It was genuinely the best birthday I have ever had, my love for the Leary girls is undying, truly the best people in the world.

The next day, which was Tuesday, we went to the city for some shopping, I went nuts and went on a massive shopping spree, though of course, my most favoured and best purchase was definitely my Macbook Pro, which I have named Pip, cause it is short and easy to say. I'm in complete and utter love it is so beautiful. We went to Anna's cousins house and had a swim and whatnot and then ventured back to Circular Quay for dinner

with some of the girls. Came home and had a chat, finally got to bed around 11.

The Wednesday, we woke rather early in order to get to Olympic Park, for Big Day Out. The group of girls that were from Pmac (Anna, Kate, Claud, Steph and myself) joined some of James Phillips (Anna's cousin) friends, and as a massive crew we caught the train to Olympic Park, this is where the heat, sweat and pure love for music once again erupted. Saw Little Red first up, they were so so much fun. Throughout the day saw Iggy, Crystal Castles, Gypsy and the Cat, Washington, Sia, Pnau, MIA, LCD Soundsystem, Angus and Julia Stone, and plenty of others that I cannot remember. But, good times were definitely had. By far, the funnest thing of the day was the Silent Disco with Anna and Kate, we seriously had the greatest times, we were in there for quite a flippin long time, so much fun! By the en

d of the night my legs ached and I was so very tired, getting to bed by 4am was a killer, but totally worth it.

Yesterday we caught the train home and Kate and I played some fun games of charades, Anna eventually joined, took some hilarious photos. Twas nice to be home, but I loved the last few days, so much love for Anna and Kate. Best people. Best times. Here are some edited shots, they are shitty, cause I have a shitty cam, but now I have my Mac, all funds will be going towards a good camera. :)

Far Too Often

Far too often, we would prefer to be somewhere else, surrounded by other people, speaking dfferent words and understanding different gestures. I don't want to come across as someone who doesn't appreciate what they have, because I do, extraordinary amounts. But, it seems that throughout time lately, people will only befriend you, or act intersted when it suits them. I wonder what happened to loyalty, and respecting the value of friendship? I don't know. But, I would love to find out.

Dogs

I started writing again tonight, best feeling.

The song is called Dogs, here is the link, check it out.
But, don't judge as it is a heaps bad copy and it sounds pretty crap.
You catch the drift though :)

p.s. try and think of what the dog is.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VyZpMeUnnsE

Answer Me

I keep asking myself whether or not I care too much, but I cannot seem to find an answer. I realised yesterday what it is all about, this whole, 'I always want to be around people' mind set that I have. It's because I have grown up in a family of 8, where always and forever I have been next to someone, I don't hear the sounds of silence, or ever feel lonely. This is why I feel as though I cannot let go of people, I don't want to be alone, but I am petrified of people seeing me, knowing what goes on inside my head.
I think I care too much, for those that I shouldn't. Someone answer me.
Do I care too much?

This is why we dropped Biology

I found this video today, so so great.

Underwater

Currently, in the top half of my country, there are floods. Horrible, detructive and life-ruining floods. Houses, offices, businesses, all underwater. It is not good. Then, on the other side of my country, there are flames and fires. Set, by stupid, inconsiderate people who have no heart or self-conscious. It really is terrible. But, all this destruction and damage that is sweeping across this country, makes us deepen our ties within our country. Most people, feel the heartache and desperation of these people and desire to help them. We want to work together as a country, as a race of people and unite under this disaster. This is the good that comes from it. I truly think it is a wonderful thing. These people, living through this, have been so brave and courageous, setting others lives before oneself, an act not many can undertake.

It makes us question the materialistic things we value so deeply and whether they are what truly matter. Do we really need the clothes and jewellery? For me, it has completely opened my eyes. In a situation like that I know for a fact that as I was swept with water it would not be the new dress I got, or my new shoes that I would clutch, it would be the hand of my Mum, or Dad, any family member or friend. I would not run back inside during a fire, for a mere necklace, only to find a loved one.

So, today as you or I sit and watch the news, question the value in the life you are living, don't measure it in money, only love. For it is only those who can truly find happiness in the smile of a friend or the touch of a family member, that will have hope in their lives again.

But. for now. We give them prayers and send them love. We care, we all care. :)

Here We Go Again

Having no one sucks, beyond description.

I Can't Wait

Ahhh, this time of the year is fantastic, it is a time of joyous festivites, such as my birthday, and Australia Day. Though, this year, I will be spending my Australia Day basking in the glorious sunshine, listening to the beautiful sounds of such bands as The Black Keys, Little Red, Iggy and the Stooges, Angus and Julia Stone and so so so many more beautiful bands. I will also get to pay Mim my darling a visit, which I am very excited for.

There is so much to look forward to, and things are happening at the moment, which don't usually happen to me. It is a truly beautiful thing.

I am happy. :)

Work, Save, Work, Save, Work anndddd Save some more

Currently I am working all of the time, as on the 24th day of this glorious month, I will be turning 17 and therefore I am intending to purchase one of these beautiful things:

So, at this point of time, if I am lacking in social skills, do not judge me, just know that it is completely due to the fact that I practically live at the Bonny View Store and most of my conversation involves words like "chiko" and "battered fish".

Ahhhhh, the life of a teenager.

06/01/2011

The 6th of January is a significant day in my life.
It is 2 days after the departure of my great friend Abby to the motherland.
It is my third day straight of work.
It is 6 days since my parents started disliking me.
It is 18 days til my birthday.
It is 20 days until BDO and Australia Day.
and for now that is about it.

For some unknown reason, at the moment I feel disconnected to the old times and the gang, it is really the worst. Listening to music that we listened to or just remembering the moments, it makes me want to go back to it so badly. I'm missing Mim and Abby and our old times.

I'm heaps excited for the new times to come, but the past is so influential in creating us.
Hopefully they come on backk.

Changing World's

My world is changing, for the better.

I once lived in this place, this world, that not many people knew about. A world where I had to find myself happiness and it was something that I often struggled to find.

Everything is changing in my world though.
My world has done a backflip.

Now, I live in this world, where happiness is easy to come by. I am always happy and have not shed a tear in a very long time. The people that I surround myself with have opened my eyes in so many ways. I don't know how or why, but this happiness has become a flame, that burns inside of me, it's not going out and I hope it doesn''t in the near future.
I'm writing again.

Lit,
by the simple smile,
of friends, fallen.
Fallen, like leaves,
from the sky.
Like a gift,
from God himself.
Mistaken?
Not I, not me.
This flame,
burns,
from the depths of the wik.
A happiness,
that only I can feel.
Keep burning,
my flame,
do not blow out,
don't let your light fade.
An everlasting light.
Cast by an everlasting flame.
Lit by their hearts.
My friends.